What To Do When Your Husband Doesn't Appreciate You
It was one of those days where I spent all day mopping, vacuuming, cooking (which I loathe), and doing laundry. I even made the time to organize my husbands underwear and sock drawer. (Bonus points!) Feeling pretty good about myself, I went to the local flower store to buy some fresh flowers, lit some candles, shaved my legs, and set the house up for a romantic dinner for two.
And then it happened.
He comes in the front door, says hi, gives me a kiss on the cheek, plops down on the couch and numbs out on his phone. My blood pressure skyrocketed in about 1.2 seconds and I was mad … furious! … and ready to throw my homemade cornbread at him. Doesn’t he know how hard I worked to clean our home? Doesn’t he get that I'm exhausted and would love to be on my phone too? I even cooked and I hate cooking. Is he even going to notice that I set the mood just perfectly so that we could connect and have a romantic dinner which will probably lead into sex… the thing he wants all the time?
We run errands.
We take care of the kids.
We pay bills.
We schedule the doctors appointments.
We volunteer at the kids school.
We make sure that we celebrate grandma’s 80th birthday.
We plan the date nights.
We do a lot and are usually the glue that holds our family together.
I’m not saying that men are lazy, because that’s far from the truth, but what I am saying is that women often feel like their husband doesn't appreciate all that they do.
I know you ladies have been there too… you did something special or went out of your way and it went unnoticed. And boy does that hurt to the core. For years I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me but I have come to some realizations that I want to share with you all. These aren’t just quick tips or suggestions, they really do work if you want them too.
Focus on his positives
If you see dirty dishes in the sink, your mind will start a downward spiral of all the other ways he hasn’t helped you around the house. Instead, focus on what he does do. Turn those negative thought stories into positive ones. Make a list of things you love and appreciate about him. For bonus points, share the list with him and then say, “Thank you.”
Recognize that you have different expectations
I expect the house to be a certain way but that doesn’t mean he has the same expectations. It's okay and even normal to have different expectations when it comes to the house, communication, the kids, and even sex. You’re two different people with different backgrounds, talents, opinions, and personalities.
Work on yourself
Every wife I’ve ever coached has admitted that they give everyone else their firsts and rarely, if ever, make time for themselves. This is a dangerous place to be. A healthy woman makes a happy wife, and a patient mom, and a loyal friend, and is an inspiration to her community.
Some ways to invest in yourself:
Have a spa day
Yep, my answer to many of my problems. Spending an entire day or even a half day at a spa forces you to relax, rest, recharge, and clear your mind. Often times you can get a day pass and skip out on the massage/facial and enjoy the amenities the spa has to offer.
Take a walk
Honestly I walk and talk out loud (many of my neighbor think I’m crazy but I don’t care). I go through my day, sort my thoughts, process, pray, and sometimes I’m just silent and soak up nature. Giving myself this time has been life changing for me in more ways than one. It's a very healthy habit to start for yourself and it’s free.
If you want to make a better marriage, it starts with making a better you.
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Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino and have lunch with Brené Brown.