No one intends to get married with the goal of ending it all in a bitter divorce, yet 50% of couples tying the knot this year will divorce within 5-7 years.
So how do you protect your marriage from being in the 50%? Marriage Awareness! Knowing the issues in your marriage, without minimizing or avoiding them, will protect you from certain disaster. Sadly, too many couples leave it up to chance, believing the myth that ‘if its true love, it will all work out.’
There are many factors working against you in succeeding in marriage.
Cultural myths about love, unhealthy family of origins, early romantic relationship drama, an over sexualized view of love in entertainment, too busy schedules that keep us from connecting, and the list goes on.
While all these are contributing forces, here’s our list of 4 predictors of divorce that we’ve seen first-hand during our marriage intensives for couples in crisis:
Meanness
Couples that have replaced fondness and admiration of each other with sharp, critical words and actions that are meant to intimidate, are dancing on the edge of divorce. We’ve heard it all, the choice words couples use to intentionally push each others buttons. If left unchecked, the verbal and emotional abuse can even turn into physical abuse.
Neglect
This is a form of abuse that flies under the radar for many couples. The marriage no longer gets any sort of priority, being replaced by other pursuits like raising children, work, religious obligations, or hobbies. The date nights have ended and patterns of ‘checking out’ (using technology, alcohol, porn, video games, etc.) rather than engaging each other have become the norm.
Never Apologizing
If your relationship is plagued by constant defensiveness, research has shown that your relationship is in peril and the chances of divorce skyrocket. When a spouse never takes ownership of their actions and lives either in complete denial or blames everything else, this relationship is in a zero-trust situation. With no trust, there is little intimacy between the couple. We all make mistakes, but you can’t be the only one apologizing…that gets old real quick. Constant defensiveness is not only unattractive but also prevents you and your spouse from ever feeling validated, seen, and heard.
Indifference
This is the biggest red flag for a marriage in a toxic death spiral. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, because you no longer care. When a spouse has lost all motivation to engage in the relationship, hope goes out the window, and it’s only a matter of time before there really is no marriage to save and divorce is inevitable.
Maybe some of the signs we mentioned are in your marriage. Don’t let that depress you. You are doing the right thing by learning and educating yourself on how to do marriage right!
If you’re heading towards separation or even considering divorce, learn more about Marriage365 Membership TODAY!
Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times best seller.
