Oral Sex & Marriage - Yes, We're Going to Talk About That


I recently picked up a copy of Cosmo while waiting in line at the grocery store and just about dropped the magazine to the floor as I read the piece of "wisdom" to women on how to get your man to give you oral sex. Listen to this:


"Withholding oral sex from him may be the one thing that snaps him out of his self-absorbed state. If not, you may have to accept that some guys are truly oral-averse. If you decide that you can't be with someone who doesn't love pleasuring you," says Waxman, "let him go and start dating one of the gazillions of men who do."

Is this the advice that we’ve succumbed too? Are we really buying this?

If I understand the research and the timeless truths that make marriage work, marriage is not about what you can get but what you can give. But alas, we live in a culture that is ME FIRST. It’s all about selfies, and my wants, my way, and I’m right. We live in a time where if you are not happy, you move on to the next partner. If only I could have a cup of coffee with the editor at Cosmo and give her a piece of my mind… sorry, back to the point.

Here’s the picture of a healthy marriage: two people come together (no pun intended!), and they lead with an attitude of serving one other – no strings attached. True, unconditional, unselfish love is about choosing love even if, not just loving each other if. When couples put this kind of love in practice and in all areas of their marriage, it always comes back 100 fold and feels even more gratifying because you didn’t have to manipulate to get it.

I think this is why oral sex is a significant conversation to have with your spouse.

Oral sex has more to do with what you can give to your partner rather than get. It’s wrapped in the ability to deliver absolute pleasure to your spouse. The recipient experiences such a security in knowing that their partner is willing and desires them so much so that it leads to a healthy and thriving sex life. 

In the bedroom, do you come with an attitude that you will only love your partner if they give you what you want, like Cosmo suggested? Or do you enter the bedroom with an attitude of giving love even if your partner doesn’t? Someone has to start… and since you’re reading this, yes, that means you

A few oral sex techniques and things to keep in mind:

  • Don’t forget that some additional hand-action will make your oral technique irresistible, so ensure your nails are filed and your hands are clean.

  • Share a steamy and sexy bath/shower first, especially if you’ve been out all day. That way there’s no embarrassment that either of you might be smelly.

  • If taste’s a worry, find some smooth yummy chocolate sauce, fruit yogurt, coconut oil or honey – anything that won’t irritate your partner's skin. Keep a wipe or washcloth nearby for easy clean-up.

  • Remember: the way you taste is affected by what you’ve eaten – spicy and salty foods alter this.

  • Always take a slow, slow approach to oral sex.

  • Husbands, ask your wife if she is okay with you climaxing in her mouth. While some women love it, others hate it, so be sure to consider what she wants.

  • Husbands, make sure your wife knows that she is the object of your desire – not simply that you’re horny!

A little food for thought:  Bedroom etiquette is crucial, so if you want to receive oral sex, you need to be prepared to give it! 

Want to learn more about oral sex hangups, tips and questions to ask your partner on this juicy topic? Become a MyMarriage365 member and watch our webcast on this topic!