How to Stop Talking & Start Communicating in Marriage


We’ve had a lot of marriage counseling and coaching over the last 10 years and the one thing that the experts keep going back to — good communication creates a healthy marriage.

We all know this marriage truth, yet we all seem to struggle with it. Sure, we have seasons where we’re clicking and connecting and talking and not fighting. But then someone says something hurtful, or rolls their eyes, or snaps back with a passive-aggressive comment and the toxic cycle starts again.

Our goal for you is that you would be extremely intentional with how you speak with one another. And then be able to have the confidence and use the proper techniques that will help you communicate your needs and expectations of each other in the healthiest way possible.

It’s a beautiful thing when you’re able to express your needs to your spouse, they listen with empathy, they validate what you’re wanting and feeling and then there is follow-through. The healthier and more effective conversations you two can have, the safer, more connected and respected you will feel.

When you decide that you are ready to have a healthy conversation about your needs, remember to:

  • Be intentional about setting aside time to talk and share with one another.

  • Check your attitude and tone.

  • Don’t talk at the same time – listen!

  • Think before you speak.

  • Watch your body language.

  • Avoid making assumptions.

  • Be specific and stay on one point at a time.

  • Respect each other at all times.

We encourage you to go through these Connecting Questions to get you communicating in a healthy way:

Is there anything I can do for you this week that will help you feel more loved?
When is the best time for us to sit down, uninterrupted, and express our needs and wants?
What does good communication in a relationship look like to you?

To get more Connecting Questions and learn techniques that will help you identify and express your needs, be sure to watch our webcast at mymarriage365.