Please ensure Javascript is enabled for purposes of website accessibility

Start the New Year with 365 Days of Marriage Growth and SAVE 56%!
Get Started >

Days
Hours
Minutes
Days
Hours
Minutes

Start the New Year with 365 Days of Marriage Growth and SAVE 56%!
Get Started >

30% OFF all books and ebooks.
Instant savings in cart, no coupon required. SAVE NOW →

LIVE ONLINE Parenting Masterclass. Join us August 23. REGISTER NOW

🔍 Take the Marriage Quiz to Discover Resources for You! 🔍

Don’t miss our BEST DEALS of the year!
Shop Black Friday Now >

Days
Hours
Minutes

Don’t miss our BEST DEALS of the year!
Shop Black Friday Now >

Days
Hours
Minutes
Days
Hours
Minutes

Don’t miss our BEST DEALS of the year!
Shop Black Friday Now >

How to Deal With a Selfish Spouse

My mentor told me years ago that the greatest enemy to marriages is selfishness.

I think we all start out doing whatever it takes for our partner to know that we love them and even go out of our way to make each other happy. Somewhere along the way, we unintentionally put other things first and we begin to focus more on what we want and what we think, leaving our spouse feeling frustrated and alone.

I think we can all admit that we can be selfish at times and with certain things in life we have our mind set on. Now, I believe that a little “selfishness” is good. Really, what I mean here is SELF CARE — like having healthy boundaries and making sure you have alone time. But: being selfless doesn’t mean you should be a doormat and have no opinions. 

The trend we are seeing is that more and more couples are feeling entitled and don’t realize the negative impact it has on their marriage until it’s too late. The reality you must face is that marriage isn’t for selfish people who only want their own way. Marriage isn’t for people with ego issues or who lack empathy. Marriage isn’t for individuals who are willing to sacrifice their own needs and desires only when they feel like it.  

Marriage isn’t for selfish people.

Selfishness is an attitude that subtly permeates many of the ways we can think and act towards our spouse. So, if you struggle with being selfish more often than not, the two questions to ask yourself are, “Is it possible to have a healthy and thriving marriage if I continue to be self-centered?” and “When I am selfish, how does it make my spouse feel?” 

To take this conversation even further, here are some Connecting Questions to talk through with your spouse:

  • We all know people that are extremely selfish. Can you share a story of someone’s selfishness that had a negative impact on you?

  • Who in your family is self-centered? How has their selfishness impacted holidays and family gatherings?

  • What are some healthy boundaries that need to be established in order to protect our marriage from people in our lives that are self-centered?

  • Since a little selfishness is healthy, what are some areas where you want to work on being more “selfish” (aka self care)? (Examples: setting boundaries with your time, not being a people pleaser, taking time for self care, protecting yourself form negativity, working out, etc.) 


If you want to learn the difference between selfishness and narcissism, watch our webcast DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST


Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times best seller.

Solve 90% of your issues without couples counseling!

We believe every couple should be able to access affordable marriage resources that work. That’s why we launched the Marriage365 app. The only app made by couples, for couples! 

The App has topics for real couples like you.

Download the app today!

Become a Marriage365 Member if you want to change your marriage like these couples!

FREE eBook!
69 Ideas for Better Married Sex

We want to help you to enjoy sex for the gift it is — to be fully open, vulnerable, and connected with your spouse. This eBook will help you break out of sexual ruts and experience intimate connection like never before! 

Enter your email to get this eBook download for FREE!

"*" indicates required fields

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Become a Marriage365 Member!

Enter your email to get started!