Are You a Trustworthy Spouse?
Trust is the glue that holds marriages together.
Trust provides an emotional safety net to share your deepest struggles, fears, feelings and desires without fear of retaliation or rejection. Having trust in your marriage means that you can rely on each other, in the good times and bad, no matter what comes your way. Trust is a feeling of safety and security.
Without trust, intimacy is impossible, communication becomes exhausting and you start acting more like roommates than lovers.
So, what can you do if trust has been lost in your marriage and you’re feeling frustrated, insecure and hurt? Oftentimes, one spouse will start blaming their partner and pointing fingers. This tactic is not helpful and only makes matters worse. Our suggestion is that you first take a look at your own actions and habits before even approaching your spouse on how you’re feeling. It’s easy to blame-shift but it's much harder to take a look at yourself. Here are some questions to answer honestly about how trustworthy of a spouse you are. To take this evaluation a step farther, ask: “If my spouse was asked these questions about me, what would he/she say?”
Are you reliable?
Oftentimes we over-promise and under-deliver. We mean well by saying yes and wanting to help our spouse, but if we don’t follow through, we leave our spouse feeling frustrated. A trustworthy person is someone that others can rely on, no matter what. If you have an overcrowded schedule, I can guarantee you will drop the ball often because you simply don’t have the capacity to follow through on your promises. Start saying no to certain activities and responsibilities which will free you up and will show your spouse they are a priority. So, mean what you say and follow through.
Do you admit your mistakes?
A trustworthy spouse owns their mistakes and apologizes without having to be asked. Since we all are imperfect people, you have to face the truth that you will mess up and you will need to make things better if you want to have peace and harmony with your spouse. Pride, ego, insecurities, and not knowing how to make things better can all get in the way of admitting our mistakes, which is why we recommend our 4-week online course How to Rebuild Trust. We teach you how to admit your mistakes the right way and give you the steps to start earning back the trust that’s been broken.
Do you gossip?
One of the biggest hurts that happen with couples is when one spouse shares intimate and personal details about their marriage to their family or friends. Ouch! I get it, some of you are really, really close to your friends and family but badmouthing, gossiping, and talking about your marriage to someone else is just wrong. In fact, gossiping to others is one of the quickest ways to break trust in your marriage. Now, if you need help or a place to vent, meeting with a counselor, pastor, or safe friend is absolutely okay but this person should always support your marriage and encourage you to work on it. There’s a big difference between seeking advice and gossiping. Gossiping is what we call ‘character assassination’ and it’s very hurtful for all relationships, especially marriage.
Do you show compassion?
When I think of someone I can trust, I immediately think of someone who shows me compassion and empathy on my darkest days. They think the best of me and assume the positive before making assumptions or judgments. Compassion can be seen but more importantly felt because you know that this person is doing their best to understand your perspective. They see you. They listen. They care and it's extremely selfless.
If your answer is YES to all of the questions, kudos to you for being someone others can trust. If you answered NO to one or all of the questions, it’s time to get to work and start taking the steps to rebuild trust in your relationships, but most importantly with your spouse.
Check out our 4-week online course How to Rebuild Trust which will give you the confidence and action steps to earn back trust in your marriage, once and for all.
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right.