How To Appreciate Your Differences


Do opposites attract? They sure do! It's managing those opposites once you move past attraction and into marriage that becomes critical to your success.

There is a pretty typical pattern that follows. In the early stages of the relationship, we love how these differences compliment the relationship, but rarely do these get in the way of doing life separately. Until we get married, where those same differences become obstacles in doing life together. This is when we tend to hyper focus on these traits or preferences and wonder, why can’t they be just like me? And this is where everything falls apart. Rather than talking about it, we nag and complain and ultimately try to change our spouse through manipulative tactics.

News flash: they probably aren’t changing!

Most couples have little understanding of their differences and how that makes their relationship stronger. The biggest frustrations comes when we start thinking of opposites in terms of right and wrong. What that usually means is “I’m right and you’re wrong.” They want each other to think and act as they do. So they begin a process of trying to convert their spouse to the “right” way or the “best way”.

If spouses stand together and appreciate their differences, there’s little that can stop them from tackling even the greatest of challenges life can throw at them. Accepting and appreciating our partner’s differences “sends a strong message of positive regard” which is something husbands and wives need from each other to keep their relationship alive.


Here are some Connecting Questions to ask your spouse this week:

  • In what ways are we similar?

  • Do you believe opposites attract?

  • When we got married, did you think we were more similar or more different?

  • What is one area where our differences are a good thing because we balance each other out?

  • Do you have siblings or other family members where your differences are obvious? How do you handle them?

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