Married sex is awesome!
It’s such a wonderful gift that we get to share our bodies with our partner and learn over time exactly how to please each other. In this sensual act, we build trust, connection, intimacy, share vulnerability, have fun, play naughty, and get creative! Why is it that so many couples are struggling to get it on in the bedroom? We get dozens of emails weekly from couples asking for advice or resources on how to have great married sex.
First, there’s 2 possible reasons why you might be struggling:
1. Lack of making sex a priority. Weird to think that sex can be ignored, but the reality is pressures at work, financial burdens, kids in sports, and illness can take a toll. You have to set healthy boundaries around your time and energy to make sex a priority, which means at times you will need to say no to a couple things… it’s okay, you’ll survive!
2. Lack of emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is born from emotional intimacy which means that it’s really difficult to make mad passionate love if you barely know each other. DATE NIGHTS, DATE NIGHTS, DATE NIGHTS. Make these nights about discovering each other, connecting with open-ended questions (click here, here, here, and here for some of ours), and staying away from topics like; money, kids, in-laws and work.
So here are 5 fresh ideas on how to get that mad, passionate love we know you want:
1. Try a different room of the house. Sex can be fun on the floor, in the shower, in the kitchen, on the sofa, on the stairs, and on a (very clean) counter top. It might be feel strange at first… but just go with it!
2. Try a new position. If you have no clue what to try, here is an article we wrote regarding different sex positions. We suggest you keep trying one at a time until you find a few that work for both you.
3. Get away for a weekend. This is a must if you can make it work with your schedule. It doesn’t even have to be far, but staying at a hotel for a night or weekend can be so refreshing. You don’t have to worry about household duties, the beds are always comfortable, they come with a fancy hot tub and the rooms are always quiet. We encourage you turn off the television and any other electronics for your weekend. Put the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door all weekend and enjoy being in each others arms.
4. Make out. When we were dating, we couldn’t stop kissing and we definitely couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Now after a decade of being married, we sometimes forget that physical touch is such an important part of our relationship. Kiss often, snuggle while watching TV, cuddle in bed at night, greet each other with a kiss each time you come home, and make out as often as possible. Kissing promotes intimacy and boosts bonding. When we kiss, both men and women produce the hormone oxytocin. It’s often called the ‘love hormone’ because it causes us to bond. The fact is, we kiss the ones we love, and love the ones we kiss!
5. Make the most of foreplay. Foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex. Many women, in particular, need to be kissed, hugged, and caressed to create lubrication in the vagina, which is important for comfortable intercourse. Foreplay takes time, attention to details and creativity leaving you and your spouse more in love and cared for. DO NOT SKIP OUT ON FOREPLAY!
If you want to REIGNITE YOUR SEXUAL INTIMACY with your spouse, start our 4-week online course now!
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.
